My name is Jon. I live in New York. I'm a writer for the UCB house sketch team Beige as well as other things. This is a searing look into my beaten and broken psyche, an examination of my own crippling malaise. It's also got funny YouTube videos!

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  • Hyperbole Is My Middle Name!
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3 hours ago | 1 note
This text from my old roommate is dedicated to @bennettleigh.

This text from my old roommate is dedicated to @bennettleigh.

4 hours ago
I get your point, bathroom graffiti artist. After all, I did take this picture with a phone. Still, I feel like most actual slaves would have a problem with this comparison.

I get your point, bathroom graffiti artist. After all, I did take this picture with a phone. Still, I feel like most actual slaves would have a problem with this comparison.

14 hours ago | 4 notes
Dear humanity,
Try harder.

Dear humanity,
Try harder.

1 day ago | 2 notes


At the end of the 9/15 Beige show at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, a crime was committed. Police are asking citizens to please watch the following videotape of the incident and contact them with any information you may have. Thank you.


The police have released footage of my friend Jonathan Marballi’s death during the recent Beige show. Please watch this and look for anything that might help us solve this heinous crime.


Via Beige
1 day ago | 11 notes

9/19 Updated Playoff Picture


Another win for The Enemy! The Enemy now has 4 wins, and the Season only has 6 matches left! While the Enemy actually did not change positions in the rankings with this win, a few other teams were affected. Here’s how!

Fuck That Shit (13-1) Unaffected, obviously. These guys are just waiting for…

I’ve found your new favorite blog, improv nerds.

Via UCB CageMatch Statshound
2 days ago | 1 note
Last Late Night Layover before Marballi heads to LA! Monje surprised us all with Jonoscene shirts!

Last Late Night Layover before Marballi heads to LA! Monje surprised us all with Jonoscene shirts!

2 days ago | 3 notes
Being real careful while working on next month’s Beige scripts… Don’t want any spoilers getting out. #WhoShotJM

Being real careful while working on next month’s Beige scripts… Don’t want any spoilers getting out. #WhoShotJM

3 days ago | 324,964 notes


I swear the fuckin producers of the simpsons knew shit was an issue before anyone opened their eyes.

Totally. It’s such a bummer that not a single person on earth had ever thought about the social issues that lead to crime or about prison overcrowding until Lisa Simpson mentioned it in a 1995 animated Fox sitcom. Thank god our eyes were opened.

More importantly though, this episode ignited the furious debate over whether or not a garage is actually called a “car hole.” My fuckin eyes are still open on that one.

(Source: monodoh)

Via Figure it out.
3 days ago | 3 notes

13 Ghosts Wiki

Hey, world. Just so you know, there’s a 13 Ghosts wiki online. It’s a wiki that is entirely devoted to information on the characters, plots, locations, and actors related to the 1960 horror film and its 2001 remake starring Tony Shalhoub and Matthew Lillard. It has 74 articles on it. There’s a poll on the homepage and 132 people have voted since 2012.

Just so you know.

3 days ago | 2 notes

If you thought that network TV crime procedurals were completely stale and old fashioned, The Blacklist is here to prove you wrong by parodying a bunch of magazine covers! Nothing says “hip” in 2014 like the print media!!

(By the way, they thought this was such a great idea that they sent out press releases about it.)