Jon's Ego (in print form!)

newsweek:

We have four years in college. Well, most of us at least. Only four short years to attain the thing that is most essential in securing our futures.

That’s right ladies, four years to find a husband. Every true woman knows how vital it is to find the right brilliant babe to father their children and replenish their bank accounts. A Southern belle is nothing but a pretty face and pearls without a man to eat her cooking and appreciate her cleaning.

So ladies, the clock is ticking and the hunnies are being taken at an alarmingly fast pace. Our expiration dates are fast approaching. To help you find that special someone, I’ve laid out step-by-step directions for how to secure your husband and consequentially, your future.

[h/t Zoe Schlanger]

Tumblr, please confirm this is satire?!

Newsweek, I’m pretty sure the column she wrote last week proves this to be a joke. It’s all about how great it is that kids nowadays don’t have to get married so early.