About

My name is Jon. I live in New York. I'm a writer for the UCB house sketch team Beige as well as other things. This is a searing look into my beaten and broken psyche, an examination of my own crippling malaise. It's also got funny YouTube videos!

tumblr analytics

People I Follow

  • Hal Phillips
  • Hyperbole Is My Middle Name!
  • The Official Patrick Cotnoir Tumblr
  • Travis Helwig
  • Brentt Harshman
  • Cory Is Looking At Things
  • Me In My Place ® - beautiful women at home
  • Kevin Hines
  • Hioo Journal
  • Whistling in the Dark
  • [the urban fervor]
  • Mike Scollins.
  • Casey Donahue
  • Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
  • This Awkward Pause
  • I Hahaha Hate Myself
  • The picture of a sunny day.
  • the Anthony King
  • Someday I'll wish upon a star...
  • Matt Little
  • #FUTURESH*T
  • Hey it's Lou!
  • Uptight Citizen
  • I'm With Kanye
  • Worst Tumblr Ever.
  • Uncanny Brett White
  • J. Hermann
  • Vintage Disney Parks
  • The Comic's Comic
  • (write it) like disaster
  • IFC
  • talk back at the ocean
  • Chris Griswold
  • Halle Kiefer
  • Long Naps, Strudel, and Improvisation
  • The Chris Gethard Show
  • Comedy Nerds United!
  • Too Much Nick
  • I Was Born To Ramble
  • Kindle the fire in your chest.
  • Patrick O'Brien
  • Winston Noel and the Blog of the Same Name
  • Rudel
  • It's A Shame About Amy
  • RamseyEss
  • Rich Kids Of Instagram
  • Zach Gibson!
  • pumpkin annie posts
  • Chris Reblogs
  • El T
  • The Dan Max Fox Blog
  • The Young Turks
  • The New Yorker
  • Evan Kaufman.com
  • Philanthropy Girl
  • Justin Lamb
  • thedorseyshawexperience
  • Give 'em Enough Rope
  • You Rach You Lose
  • routine curation
  • That Dog's Blog
  • Lovelauren
  • Trowbridge ---->
  • Kelly Hudson: Citizen Hudson
  • Indie Cage Match NYC
  • JAKE FOGELNEST
  • Official Comedy.
  • Bye, Raleigh
  • Kayaking Upstream
  • OVC: CONVERSATIONS FROM THE COMIC BOOK STORE.
  • Things I Find
  • 404ing It
  • www.annarubanova.com
  • Eternally Damned with Sarah Burton
  • iamachilles
  • Morgan Evans
  • Kurt Guenther loves Tumblr
  • The Mary Sue
  • stop hitting yourself why are you hitting yourself
  • Jason Saenz Comedy
  • Figure it out.
  • Soup
  • Beige
  • Brita James
  • The Rolling Doughnut
  • The Kirk Larsen Questperience
  • Barfing Arts
  • stuff
  • Digsy Is Comics
  • Learning Curve
  • Gilmore Gurlz
  • My Name Is Bluvband
  • Improv Nonsense
  • Ryan Xilliams
  • Look at the camera.
  • That's So Jackson
  • Abbi Crutchfield
  • Planetwebber
  • Sean P. O'Reilly
  • the YONI-VERSE
  • Matthew S. Starr
  • Time's Up, Pencils Down
  • Peter Sherer
  • Fear Town, USA
  • The A.V. Club
  • Dan Hodapp
  • Grown Ass Boy
  • Showtime
  • Mark Joyella | @standupkid
  • Suspicious Sarah
  • Above Average Productions
  • Improv Logos
  • PREMIUM FISHER
  • The Daily Oliver
  • Alene Presents
  • Meghan O'Keefe
  • A Funny Thing
  • James Dwyer
  • Foxish Foibles
  • a world of pure imagination
  • Mark Dowling
  • Mitchell Stephen Fesh
  • BRYAN RUCKER
  • Douglas Widick's Presence on Tumblr
  • hey i'm brady and:
  • SOANDSO&SOANDSO&SOANDSO
  • Everything Perfect for Everyone Forever
  • I AM SPO
  • Talking Breakfast?!
  • Little Hands, Big Heart
  • Regular Sam
  • LOSERBEAM
  • MuchTooMuch
  • ///Robot Riley///
  • living in a shotgun shack
  • Macarony Productions
  • Benjamin Apple
  • Mi Vida
  • Astronaut
  • Miss Alice Teeple
  • JuliaWard!
  • PAUL BRIGANTI
  • An Outfit For Every Season
  • Connor Ratliff
  • sal gentile
  • hey, it's sanji
  • Bananagrams Solitaire
  • Quoz
  • JESS DWECK
  • LEFT HANDED RADIO
  • Stephanie Streisand
  • Today in Fake History
  • John Z Townsend
  • Thank You, Robot
  • james coker
  • Nate Cartoons
  • Internet Farts
  • Charlie Todd
  • this is what love is for
  • beyond the river
  • MAMRIE!
  • Kerry McGuire
  • Cody Lindquist
  • stephen falk dot com
  • Splitsider
  • Anna Callegari
  • It's Caitlin Time!
  • L in Translation
  • b-r-double o-k-lyn drama
  • Tumblr Staff
  • Claire Ayoub Laughing at Things
  • jason flowers. online idiot.
  • Will Hines
  • UCB Love
  • Unlimited Lives!
  • This Tumblr's Dumb
  • AMERICA WON'T SHUT UP!
  • Caroline Behind the Desk
  • Sasheer Zamata
  • School Night
  • Gabbin' Like Gals
  • Sesame Street
  • Matt Moskovciak
  • Captain Hippo
  • Madalyn Baldanzi?
  • Matt Dennie Blog Dot Gov
  • Cool Shit/Weird Shit
  • syllogisms and metaphors.
  • JTim Likes
  • The Broken Record
  • Improv Is Easy!
  • Veronica Writes Stuff
  • benzado
  • I Wear T. Shirts
  • chirs pirnicpe
  • Sarah Rainone is not for sale.
  • Brutality and Chuckles
  • "A mind with a heart of its own"
  • Onassis Comedy
  • Sachi Ezura
  • District 9 and 3 Quarters
  • brianglidewell.jpg
  • I'm Ben Warheit
  • e. e. cunnings
  • Dan Harmon Poops
  • wrongcharlie: blog about stuff
  • CONNOR RATLIFF: Summer Olympics 2016 GOLD!
  • Ratiocination
  • so, alex goes...
  • Rob Michael Hugel Is Here
  • Aaron Burdette
  • Drew is Alright I Guess
  • The Company
  • TEN IDEAS
  • Drag Me To Hejl!
  • Dawn Luebbe
  • Bencin
  • Fake Criterions
  • Timmy Loves Julie
  • Pod Awful
  • Holy Toledo!
  • Veronica Osorio
  • Avery Monsen Dot Comsen
  • Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder
  • IWDRM
  • KPARTYAWESOME
  • The Uncanny Valley
  • And Now for Something Completely Different
  • ben wietmarschen
  • Mendillo Sports Blog
  • claspy
  • Taxidermy Church
  • HMS Got 'Em
  • BEN POPKEN IS JUST KIDDING
  • Hot Summer Nights (Won't Last Forever)!
  • Clif Henning
  • The Blip Blog
  • Jesse Acini's Online Presence
  • I Genuinely Enjoy Science
  • The Scene - Improvised One Acts
  • evanfordebarden
  • Drivele by Jamie Frevele
  • BEN POPKEN WRITES
  • Matthew Brian Cohen - Tumblr Fun Edition
  • kale + kittens
  • Welcome .
  • THE NEED TO FAIL
  • Eye On Springfield
  • curious gracie
  • Poupak's Parisian Life in New York
  • Alex French
  • Julia Wiedeman
  • Stupid Gloves
  • My mother was right.
  • Pour Me Out ALREADY
  • Dylan Donahue
  • Sorry About Last Night...
  • Brown's Mumbler
  • Hi, I'm Katherine.
  • Too Lazy
  • Keith Kingbay
  • Adam Bozarth Enjoys the Internet
  • Michl Hartny.
  • The Monkeys You Ordered
  • lanyard
  • Sex Your Food
  • UCB Conspiracy
  • comedy stuff
  • Hello Melissa Gomez
  • Shut UP! Storytelling Show
  • had we but world enough, and time
  • Ryan Hitchcock's Valid and Important Thoughts.
  • Josh Patten
  • Georgie Aldaco
  • Feitumblr
  • THE PROM COMEDY
  • The Apiary
  • "More Than You Need to Know" by Geezus H.
  • Hit The Mark! with Mark Levy
  • Astonishing Brett White
  • It's Like Anything
  • Darren Miller
  • Brandon Scott Wolf
  • also ellena.
  • UCB Difference
  • Visitors at the podium
  • tall, dark & handsome.
  • Baguette-me-nots
  • Thrillcox
  • Riding the Struggle Bus, Living the Dream
  • Amos "Amos" Vernon
  • Eliot Glazer
  • nate dern
  • On The Cusp, Off The Cuff
Cheshire - Created by Alter Imaging
8 months ago | 930 notes
God damn I love this movie.
Y’know the funny thing? Lost in Translation always makes me think of Juan, the Mexican exchange student who went to my high school junior year.
My super cool friends and I were the dudes (and a couple of ladies) who went to the movies every single week because we didn’t have anything better to do. On weekend nights that we didn’t go to the movies, we went to parties. We were the guys who weren’t invited to the parties per se, but knew enough people that we our presence wasn’t unwelcome. We just had to hear about the parties second hand an hour or so after they started.
Anyway, the week Juan first arrived, he hadn’t made too many friends at first. We were going to the movies as usual, so I invited him to come.
The movie was Lost in Translation which, as a huge Bill Murray and Virgin Suicides fan (personally I like the book better but I think it’s really interesting how Jeffrey Eugenides focusses on the boys while Sophia Coppola told the same story from the girls’ perspective), I was incredibly excited about it.
My friends and I all loved it but Juan…he hated it.
“He’s so old!” he kept complaining during the movie. “Why would that hot chick ever like him?! Why hasn’t he fucked her?”
That’s actually the way he talked. Juan was an awesome dude but, seriously, he talked like a stereotypical foreign exchange student in a teen movie produced back when casual racism was still funny. He seriously used the phrase “American pussy” (pronounced “PU-say”) multiple times with me.
Anyway, Lost in Translation was the movie that helped Juan realize that we were not the friends who were going to help him get any pussy, American or otherwise. The next week, he quietly shuffled away from the dudes who were tolerated at big parties to the dudes who actually threw them.
Not that I didn’t throw the occasional party. In fact, I threw Juan’s going away party the next summer. Here’s a picture of the two of us from that night:

ps. Recently, I just started to realize that I look like a completely different person than I did in high school. Like I have a different shaped head. How the fuck did that happen?

God damn I love this movie.

Y’know the funny thing? Lost in Translation always makes me think of Juan, the Mexican exchange student who went to my high school junior year.

My super cool friends and I were the dudes (and a couple of ladies) who went to the movies every single week because we didn’t have anything better to do. On weekend nights that we didn’t go to the movies, we went to parties. We were the guys who weren’t invited to the parties per se, but knew enough people that we our presence wasn’t unwelcome. We just had to hear about the parties second hand an hour or so after they started.

Anyway, the week Juan first arrived, he hadn’t made too many friends at first. We were going to the movies as usual, so I invited him to come.

The movie was Lost in Translation which, as a huge Bill Murray and Virgin Suicides fan (personally I like the book better but I think it’s really interesting how Jeffrey Eugenides focusses on the boys while Sophia Coppola told the same story from the girls’ perspective), I was incredibly excited about it.

My friends and I all loved it but Juan…he hated it.

“He’s so old!” he kept complaining during the movie. “Why would that hot chick ever like him?! Why hasn’t he fucked her?”

That’s actually the way he talked. Juan was an awesome dude but, seriously, he talked like a stereotypical foreign exchange student in a teen movie produced back when casual racism was still funny. He seriously used the phrase “American pussy” (pronounced “PU-say”) multiple times with me.

Anyway, Lost in Translation was the movie that helped Juan realize that we were not the friends who were going to help him get any pussy, American or otherwise. The next week, he quietly shuffled away from the dudes who were tolerated at big parties to the dudes who actually threw them.

Not that I didn’t throw the occasional party. In fact, I threw Juan’s going away party the next summer. Here’s a picture of the two of us from that night:

ps. Recently, I just started to realize that I look like a completely different person than I did in high school. Like I have a different shaped head. How the fuck did that happen?

  1. nikkijbe reblogged this from lollalaroc
  2. puckster87 reblogged this from beneath-the-concrete-star and added:
    Make it Suntory Time
  3. beneath-the-concrete-star reblogged this from wurwolf
  4. wurwolf reblogged this from la-persienne
  5. alleyes16 reblogged this from staygoldjess
  6. lifelikeoldmovies reblogged this from femme-solitaire
  7. la-persienne reblogged this from lollalaroc
  8. egonschielejetaime reblogged this from daybyd
  9. daybyd reblogged this from staygoldjess
  10. awesome-wells reblogged this from femme-solitaire
  11. losperrosdepavlov reblogged this from staygoldjess
  12. thatscloseman reblogged this from staygoldjess
  13. imsome-oneelse reblogged this from everythingsuchas
  14. juno082 reblogged this from everythingsuchas
  15. everythingsuchas reblogged this from staygoldjess
  16. staygoldjess reblogged this from femme-solitaire
  17. edited-doctor reblogged this from misterbombastic
  18. misterbombastic reblogged this from annie
  19. seamlessrhymes reblogged this from femme-solitaire
  20. ghostsofpast reblogged this from femme-solitaire
  21. femme-solitaire reblogged this from lollalaroc
  22. manwithoutacountry reblogged this from annie
  23. lunarmission reblogged this from annie
  24. 0equalz2 reblogged this from annie
  25. thelongandlonelyroad reblogged this from annie
Via Cory Is Looking At Things